


The Death of a Million Stars

by StainedGlassDreams



Series: Earth, Please Come In, Over [22]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: F/M, Love, bucky is stubborn, h/c
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-13 08:43:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4515381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StainedGlassDreams/pseuds/StainedGlassDreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What Strange said replays over & over in his head, as Bucky tries to rationalize his decision of staying. Why it's better for them.</p><p>While his subconscious reminds him how stupid this is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Death of a Million Stars

Bucky sat on his bed, the ship beeping slowly in a repetitive heartbeat that was both calming as much as it was a reminder of everything.

He looked down. He already knew Strange was right. It was her right to know.

...But it really wasn't.  
He licked his lips, his thoughts diving deep again.  
It wasn't selfishly either, both their vocabularies never contained the word. The notion, or understanding of it.  
Too damn busy serving communist countries, or saving people.  
He laughed quietly. They, only they, could understand how they could keep that drastic a change, & still stay the same.

(It was because she gave-)

But their roles prevented them from actually "being" selfish.  
So it figured the only time they were, the only happiness they ever were allowed, it was targeted & taken.  
No, that wasn't entirely true. The only time Bucky allowed himself to be selfish, it was taken from him.

Which is why it was his damn fault.  
His damn fault that she was on Earth, James was in Space, using his wildly known self-sacrifice to protect others from things they would never know. & why James was here, because he begged Fury. Because Nick felt the rawness, & could comprehend why he needed to be somewhere, anywhere else.

(You know that isn't true, Strange-)

Not only because it burned. Because the sting was equal, if not more, to those far, long ago years when Steve found him-

He clenched his fists. No.  
Don't need to go there. Never need to, or should.  
She stopped him from drifting, like a tether to an astronaut & Fear, Itself, was dissipated. Disintegrated.  
By her touch, her understanding, the only one besides Steve, or Sam, who ever could.

He exhaled.  
Which leads Bucky back to the real reason, the one his subconscious is aware of, because he knows it.

He didn't leave Earth entirely for people. He left it because he was going to do something stupid if he stayed.

A few weeks, months, after the burn subsided in the way it only was allowed (he allowed), a notion came into his head.  
It was dangerous, stupid, reckless. & maybe that's why he thought Natalia would love it.

He thought about getting to know her again. Start from scratch. Just like they did in Russia, just like how they did after the nightmare.  
Because James could fall in love with her, over & over again. Because that was the beauty in the confusion of their intertwining lives.  
& back when the star on his arm wasn't the color of space, they both knew. They both wouldn't exchange it, change it, for anything.

Bucky looked back at the window, blackness surrounding him.  
Space in enternal mourning for all the deaths of stars no one person could ever witness.

& it was selfish. He knew that. ....So he left. Like a soldier, without any notion of home.

(Before she gave you one. & if you'd stop sulking, forget fate & let Strange help her-)

"Bucky. We're here." Daisy said, 3000 miles away.  
Bucky didn't respond.  
"....Hey, you alright?"  
He waited a moment. "....Yeah." He got up.

Even if Strange's plan didn't work, if the memories still remained gone....  
He'd still love her. Nothing would ever change that.

"Let's go."

Selfish, or not.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed, & Strange will reveal his part in this soon... :)


End file.
